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Your tenth birthday

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  Audrey, You and I have made it ten years together through this thing called life, and it has been so wildly entertaining. You are so excited for your big party tonight. I watched you greet the restaurant GM last night, shake his hand, look him in the eyes, smile, and thank him for allowing you to host your birthday dinner in his restaurant. For a moment, my eyes welled with tears because I had never seen you do that before. Maybe the next time will be another birthday, or a graduation dinner, or maybe your wedding venue. I never thought I’d get to witness moments like that so soon. I am so thankful. Thank you for being you. You are incredibly strong and resilient. There isn’t much you don’t believe you’re capable of, and I hope that never, ever changes. You are beautiful and wise, with such a kind heart. You see the best in everyone, and I hope that never goes away. What a gift it is that you are so kind and good, and yet still young enough to be naive. You don’t know everything,...
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Your 2nd Birthday

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  Bryer boy, Bryer boy. I cannot believe you are two. I will never forget the night I went into labor with you. I went to the hospital around 10 or 11 o’clock at night on the 23rd. I remember thinking, I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. Your dad said you could come any day, and of course, you chose a day that will forever confuse me when it comes to your birthday and your actual birth date. But that’s just like you, full of surprises. And in these last 365 days, you’ve continued to surprise me in the best ways. I’m not shocked one bit. You are everything I didn’t know I needed, and someone I absolutely adore. You are completely obsessed with both of your parents. Audrey? That love is a little more conditional, but you love your whole family big: extended, chosen, and blood-related. You love to play and will play with anyone willing to join you. You spent most of the year reading books. Your favorite was Penelope on the Farm, a hand-me-down from your cousins Nick and Rylee. You ...
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Your ninth birthday

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  Audrey, Audrey, Audrey. You are hilarious, beautiful, witty, intelligent, and passionate. You are so much fun. Today you’re 9 years old. A coworker stopped me and said, “I’m so happy you’ll spend the day with her tomorrow because when she’s 18, she won’t want to spend her whole birthday with you.” And that’s so true. I’ll have to share my time. This is your last single-digit birthday. You lost a tooth this week, and it wasn’t even a big conversation. You just lost it. When it comes to looks, Utah gave you freckles—they’re all over. Your eyes are still a hazy green, and your golden locks are growing browner by the day. You still have beautiful streaks of blonde, and I love them. You’re very tall but still in a booster seat. Maybe you’ll outgrow it by 10. I’m proud of you for letting me keep you safe. You started 3rd grade at an incredibly conservative Christian school that didn’t require anyone to follow biblical values except you—so we left. You joined your first charter school, ...
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Bryer’s 1st Birthday

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  Bryer Kole, Happy 1st Birthday young man.    Today you are a whole year old and I love everything about you being older. Wiser and ready to take on the day. You are one year old today and I am so proud to be your mama. You are so smart. You speak a new word almost once a day. I wasn’t prepared for that but I’ve oddly lost count of how many words you already know. Around 5 months old you did say mama first and I’ve never been happier.  You have 8 teeth and eat almost everything we put in front of you, you love water, blueberries, beans, and mostly all dried fruits. You love to eat. Snacks are your favorite. You’re still breastfeeding, this is a feat I never assumed we’d reach with all of your prior allergies, lip and tongue tie revision, and so many hurdles but you made it and we are so proud of you. You didn’t start at a real preschool until almost 11 months so your best friends are still your IVF friends - Hazel and Lucy. Your friend Owen also came to your first b...
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Your eighth birthday

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  Audrey Kaydence. Today you are 8 years old. Holy cow kid. You made it to 8. Time goes faster than what I would deem appropriate but all in all you have had quite some LIFE in your years. Let’s recap the last year shall we?  You switched schools in February, which was a challenging decision, but a good one you were at a much smaller school now with a much smaller network of friends and it is healthier for you.  Your blonde hair is still blonde and your eyes are still this gray blue green. They change all the time primarily gray and green sometimes blue and green still very light still very curly. You have more freckles now than you ever have before and I am admiring watching your face with glasses as I know that contacts are coming soon to help with your myopia. You will always be my baby. I am excited to watch you grow up. You got to go to your first concert this year it almost became your entire personality. You have been a Taylor Swift fan since you were about two yea...
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Your Seventh Birthday

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  Today you are 7 years old. Typing that sentence partially brings me to tears because I remember the days I was 7. I remember my first grade teachers and this year, at 31 is the first year it’s a tiny bit blurry who my best friends were. You have grown so very much in the last year. Let’s get into it.  Physically, you’re still that girl with highlighted blonde curls you actually cut off 14 inches of those curls and donated them to wigs 4 kids when you found out your great papa had cancer. We’ve loved seeing your short haired personality shine. Green eyes more days than gray, blue seldom if ever appears anymore. You’re very tall and so strong. This year you did gymnastics again and when school started you moved over to a kids Gym. You don’t love PE but you love kidstrong and I love that for you. This summer was big, you ambitiously chased your goal of the AR shirt you didn’t earn before Kindergarten ended and two weeks ago, you finally earned it. You ran into your former teach...
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Letter to our future boy,

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Dear you,   I hope you are genuinely interested in everything your sister and I are not. I hope you find bugs - interesting, outdoor sports - fun, combination food like casseroles, beef Wellington, and pies - things that your sister will not eat when I cook dinner - prayerfully you will.    Your sister won’t watch Toy story, or cars, or planes, and I wouldn’t even dare attempt for either of us to learn to love Star Wars before you get here but I hope all of that is exciting to you. I can’t imagine a world without big hair bows and glitter onesies even tutus… but I’m looking forward to it.  You see I never had a brother, and your father never had a little brother (before he was 25 at least) As far as siblings go we only have biological sisters, and the uncles you do have came via marriage once we were too old to enjoy the perks - you will be the first on my side and the youngest on your fathers side.  There are a few legacies in the male category when it com...
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