Hyperemesis... exhaustion in pure form

I remember being the woman who handled everything with grace... no one knew when  my world was falling apart but me, my husband & God. but... you know depression sets in when you sit at home every single day... dreading getting up, sitting up, and throwing up.

some days, it hurt to blink, or even to yawn... talking on the phone hurt and holding a phone to text hurt... Going to church wasn't an option more often than not so I watched from my bed quite often... which sucks now because we have all smart TV's and I could've watched it from the couch too... quite frankly, I'm not who I was... and though people continue to tell me things will go back to normal and I won't remember this I sincerely doubt it. I was a very independent woman pre-pregnancy. I served my husband and our family from when my feet hit the ground to when they entered the bed. I cooked or prepared 3 meals for my husband every day, maintained laundry, and tidiness of my house, "I called order to my home..." Before HG. 

I couldn't tell you the last time I cooked a meal, one of my favorite hobbies and enjoyed it. I am thankful I taught my husband how to deep clean toilets, tubs, and floors pre-pregnancy because he does it all now. Any meal he has found to nourish his body was prepared by himself (bless his heart) or someone else he exchanged money with through a window or a delivery service. I don’t have the strength, and though if you google "how to cure HG" you will find hundreds of posts just like this one with suggestions on how to help, but none to cure it... So how do we get through it? We pray.

Nothing "helps, permanently" and when you finally find something that does work... Eventually it stops. The only normal pregnant things that have occurred are the growing and stretching pains in my stomach... I haven't gained any weight, in fact I’ve lost over 15% of my bodyweight... If you're bad with math, it’s over 35 lbs. I don't sleep through the night and it’s not because of potty breaks, I don’t drink enough water to pee like a pregnant woman... My body has lost so much muscle mass, sleeping on either my left or right side for too long causes bruising and aches for the rest of the day... How weak am I? We ordered our daughter's coming home outfit from Kickee Pants... The most comfortable bamboo pajamas you'll ever touch... and when the plastic "tear open" package came in the mail... I wasn't strong enough to open it myself... Most days even water bottles I can’t open on my own. 

As for my husband, he spends a lot of time trying to avoid breaking down in tears in front of me. He wakes up 2-3 times a night from the echo of nausea in our house and runs to my aid with cold towels, ice packs, essential oils to smell, peppermints, unsalted crackers... Matter of fact, while typing this at 3:08 am he just had to help clean up after our last episode, I am in his fan cave, and he is in our bedroom... Withe door shut. . That is the man I married, and I thank God for him every day.